This was an early experiment in Perl.

Just these two words He spoke
changed my life,
“Enjoy Me.”
What a burden I thought I was to carry –
a crucifix, as did He.
Love once said to me, “I know a song,
would you like to hear it?”
And laughter came from every brick in the street
and from every pore
in the sky.
After a night of prayer, He
changed my life when
He sang,
“Enjoy Me.”

Teresa of Avila

Even if we accept, as the basic tenet of true democracy, that one moron is equal to one genius, is it necessary to go a further step and hold that two morons are better than one genius?

Leó Szilárd, The Voice of the Dolphins: And Other Stories (1961)

Abba Moses stood before his students in the desert one day and gave this teaching: "Every word or image of God is more a distortion than a description!" The students were shocked and said, "But Abba, when you teach us of God you use words!" At this he laughed and said, "When I speak of God, listen less to the words, and ponder more the silence between the words."
He who does not understand the supreme certainty of mathematics is wallowing in confusion.

Leonardo DaVinci

If you're good at something, never do it for free.

The Joker, The Dark Knight (the movie)

The opposite of play isn't work. It's depression.

Brian Sutton Smith

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

Albert Einstein

If what you're doing is not your passion, you have nothing to lose.
It is never too late to be what you might have been.

George Eliot

It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that things are difficult.


If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

Milton Berle

First they ignore you. Then they laugh at you. Then they fight you. Then you win.

Mahatma Gandhi

Confidence comes not from always being right but not fearing to be wrong.
Your time is limited, don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma, which is living the result of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinion drown your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition, they somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

Steve Jobs

Our vocation is not simply to be, but to work together with God in the creation of our own life, our own identity, our own destiny.

Thomas Merton

I'd like to give a lake of beer to God.
I'd love the Heavenly
Host to be tippling
There for all eternity...

I'd sit with the men, the women of God
There by the lake of beer.
We'd be drinking good health forever
And every drop would be a prayer.)

Attributed to St. Brigid

The brethren also asked Abba Agathon, "Amongst all good works, which is the virtue which requires the greatest effort?" He answered, "Forgive me, but I think there is no labor greater that that of prayer to God. For every time a man wants to pray, his enemies, the demons, want to prevent him, for they know that it is only by turning him from prayer that they can hinder his journey. Whatever good work a man undertakes, if he perseveres in it, he will attain rest. But prayer is warfare to the last breath."

The Sayings of the Desert Fathers
trans. Sr. Benedicta Ward

From silly devotions and sad-faced saints, O Lord, deliver me.

Teresa of Avila

Nothing is more practical than finding God, that is, than falling in love in a quite absolute, final way. What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the mornings, what you will do with your evenings, how you spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything.

Pedro Arrupe, SJ

Certainty of death... small chance of success... what are we waiting for?

Gimli, The Lord of the Rings (the movie)

English usage is sometimes more than mere taste, judgment and education - sometimes it's sheer luck, like getting across the street.

E. B. White

An adventure is something horrible that happens to someone else.

Charles Stross

Everyone has a bad hair day. The trick is not to have one on picture day.
History is where everything unexpected in its own time is chronicled on the page as inevitable.

Philip Roth

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

Mark Twain

We are not retreating - we are advancing in another direction.

Douglas MacArthur

We are not disorganized. We just have a kind of organization that transcends understanding.

Jacques Barzaghi

Anyone who complains or grumbles is not perfect, nor even a good Christian.

St. John of the Cross

You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm.


Patronize restaurants where the waitress calls you "hon."
If an infinite number of rednecks in the back of an infinite number of pickup trucks shoot an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce a complete version of Hamlet in braille.
Emerson's Law of Contrariness: Our chief want in life is somebody who shall make us do what we can. Having found them, we shall then hate them for it.
Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint.

Don Marquis

If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
If this is not what you expected,
please alter your expectations.
Knowledge is only part of understanding.
Genuine understanding comes from hands-on experience.
Curiosity was framed: ignorance killed the cat.
You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.

Anne Lamott

"Just living isn't enough," said the butterfly, "one must also have freedom, sunshine, and a little flower."

Hans Christian Anderson

All human nature vigorously resists grace because grace changes us and the change is painful.

Flannery O'Connor

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

Arthur C. Clarke

Safety tip for the day: to avoid paper cuts, handle only dull paper.
The way to gain a good reputation is to endeavor to be what you desire to appear.


Whining is ill-bred.
Of course I've gone mad with power!
Have you ever tried going mad without power?
It's boring and no one listens to you!

Russ Cargill, The Simpsons Movie

Blessed are you who expect nothing,
For you shall not be disappointed.
Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

Evil Overlord List, #20

I wake up each morning torn between the desire to improve the world, and the desire to enjoy it.
It makes it hard to plan the day.

E.B. White

Whenever people say they hate to say something, they actually love to say it.
Blame your parents and get on with your life.
Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.

Howard Thurman

Madness takes its toll.
Please have exact change.
It's so simple to be wise.
Just think of something stupid to say and say the opposite.
Fight for your opinions, but do not believe that they contain the whole truth, or the only truth.

Charles A. Dana

Choose a job you love and you will never have to work a day in your life.
We're not suffering from insanity;
We're quite enjoying it.
If you want to build a ship, don't drum up people together to collect wood and don't assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the sea.

Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Either we will find a way, or we will make one.


First things first, but not necessarily in that order.

The Doctor, Doctor Who

Man cannot be uplifted; he must be seduced into virtue.

Don Marquis

When the horse is dead, get off!
Blessed are you who can laugh at yourselves
For you shall not cease to be amused.
We trained hard - but it seemed that every time we were beginning to form up into teams, we would be reorganized... We tend to meet any new situation by reorganizing, and a wonderful method it can be for creating the illusion of progress while producing confusion, inefficiency, and demoralization.

Petronius, 210 B.C.

If something seems overly difficult, you're probably doing it wrong.
Learn as if you were going to live forever. Live as if you were going to die tomorrow.

Mahatma Gandhi

Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
For every complex problem, there is a simple solution...and it is wrong.
The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.


If more politicians used the word "groovy", the world would be a much nicer place.
Did you know that the word "gullible" does not appear in most dictionaries?
The answer to any question starting, 'Why don't they...' is almost always 'Money'.

Robert Heinlein

I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.

Evil Overlord List, #34

What do men look for in a woman?
They look for someone feminine, sweet, intelligent, and demure. They look for a companion with understanding and compassion. They look for that certain flair, that je ne sais pas. They look for style, substance, and sweep. They look for a full, generous figure coupled with a deep, smoldering gaze. And then, alas, just when they have found it, I must tell them that I am spoken for.

~~Miss Piggy's Guide to Life

If someone offers you a breath mint, take it.
Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.

John F. Kennedy

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is to stop digging.
Prayer is not asking for what you think you want, but asking to be changed in ways you can't imagine.

Kathleen Norris

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day.
Teach a man to fish and you can get him out of the house over the weekend.
Dogs believe they are human;
Cats believe they are God.
The essential thing in heaven and earth is ... that there should be long obedience in the same direction; there thereby results, and has always resulted in the long run, something which has made life worth living.

Friedrich Nietzsche

The good Christian should beware of mathematicians and all those who make empty prophecies. The danger already exists that mathematicians have made a covenant with the devil to darken the spirit and confine man in the bonds of Hell.

St. Augustine

Never fry bacon in the nude.
Marry the kindest person you know.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

Don Marquis

I object to intellect without discipline;
I object to power without constructive purpose.

Spock, The Squire of Gothos

You will always be lucky if you know how to make friends with strange cats.

Colonial American proverb

There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life:
music and cats.

Albert Schweitzer

Work as if you don't need the money;
Love as if you've never been hurt;
Dance as if no one is watching.
A revolution without dancing is a revolution not worth having!

V, V for Vendetta

A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, and die gallantly.

Specialization is for insects.

Robert A. Heinlein, The Notebook of Lazarus Long

Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it.
Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many.
Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books.
Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders.
Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations.
But after observation and analysis, when you find anything that agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.


The appearance of weakness can be as useful as the appearance of strength. I will exploit the double standard for all it's worth.

Guidelines for Evil Empresses

When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.

Sherlock Holmes (A. Conan Doyle)

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement.
The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.

Niels Bohr

One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say.

Will Durant

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

Al Capone

They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.

Benjamin Franklin

Good leaders being scarce, following yourself is allowed.
Every nonzero finite dimensional inner product space has an orthonormal basis.
Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not fully human. At best he is a tolerable subhuman who has learned to wear shoes, bathe and not make messes in the house.

Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love

Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that, within only a few weeks of captivity, they can train Americans to stand at the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say that his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)

Evil Overlord List, #92

A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government.

Edward Abbey

I drink my Champagne when I'm happy and when I'm sad. Sometimes I drink it when I'm alone. When I have company I consider it obligatory. I trifle with it if I'm not hungry and drink it when I am. Otherwise I never touch it - unless I'm thirsty.

Mme. Lilly Bollinger

"The best thing for being sad," replied Merlyn, beginning to puff and blow, "is to learn something. That is the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honour trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for it then--to learn. Learn why the world wags and what wags it. That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting. Learning is the thing for you. Look at what a lot of things there are to learn--pure science, the only purity there is. You can learn astronomy in a lifetime, natural history in three, literature in six. And then, after you have exhausted a milliard lifetimes in biology and medicine and theocriticism and geography and history and economics--why, you can start to make a cartwheel out of the appropriate wood, or spend fifty years learning to begin to learn to beat your adversary at fencing. After that you can start again on mathematics, until is it is time to learn to plough."

T. H. White, The Once and Future King

If a man is called to be a streetsweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause and say, here lived a great streetsweeper who did his job well.

Martin Luther King, Jr.

You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.

Christopher Robin to Pooh

When you come to the end of all the light you know, and it's time to step into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things shall happen: Either you will be given something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.

Edward Teller

We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life, when all that we need to make us really happy is something to be enthusiastic about.

Charles Kingsley

If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough.

Meister Eckhart

Expectations are premeditated resentments.
The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.

Theodore Roosevelt, Citizenship in a Republic

If someone wants to give you money, take it and say "thank you."
Nobody is so good at their job that they can't be fired. Bosses are willing to live with lower productivity to get rid of someone they see as not fitting in.
If you can't get along on vacation, for God's sake, don't move in together.
If something goes without saying, let it.
Never get involved with someone who has more problems than you do.
Life's most painful choices are not always between good and evil. If that were so there would be a lot fewer quitters. No, the most painful choices are often between the good and the best. In other words, the things that tempt us to abandon our goal are not always bad. More often than not they are good, and that is what makes it so hard to resist them. We forget what was once precious to us and exchange it for something else that is less good but more immediate. If we wish then to remain faithful, we must be prepared to meet difficulties, especially from inside ourselves. We have to go forward at such times in bare faith, simple hope, and love without sentiment.
Having something to say is overrated.
The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie — deliberate, contrived and dishonest — but the myth — persistent, persuasive, and unrealistic.

John F. Kennedy

Never ask a woman when her baby is due.
If you still think your friends are normal, then your friendships probably have room to deepen.
"Never explain; never complain" is possibly the best advice that could be given to anyone. At the very least, do not supply the rocks that will be thrown at you.
If the dog gets his nose stuck in the toaster, he's earned the bagel.
Give the people you love some slack.
One of the advantages of being a captain is being able to ask for advice without necessarily having to take it.

James T. Kirk, Star Trek

Any and all compliments can be handled by saying "thank you," though it helps to say it with a southern accent
Never continue dating someone who is rude to the waiter.
Pull over for the idiots and let them pass, even when you are already going fast.
The early bird gets the worm.
But who wants to eat cold worms on an empty stomach?
Never lend money you need to get back.
If they tell you they have trouble committing, believe them.
Go to Italy. Or France.
Your enemy is never a villain in his own eyes. Keep this in mind; it may offer a way to make him your friend. If not, you can kill him without hate — and quickly.

Robert A. Heinlein, The Notebook of Lazarus Long

It's is not, it isn't ain't, and it's it's, not its, if you mean it is. If you don't, it's its. Then too, it's hers. It isn't her's. It isn't our's either. It's ours, and likewise yours and theirs.

Oxford University Press, Edpress News

I will never utter the sentence, "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."

Evil Overlord List, #16

Good is better than evil, because it's nicer.

Mammy Yokum, Li'l Abner

You know, the very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common. They don't alter their views to fit the facts. They alter the facts to fit their views. Which can be uncomfortable if you happen to be one of the facts that need altering.

The Doctor, Doctor Who

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

Steven Wright

On the other hand...
she only had three fingers: her father owned a sawmill.
Your boss is not your friend.
A hike can do more than therapy.
The garment has to fit at the moment of purchase.

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